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Bone-Collector-206

Never, Never, Never Give Up
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Bone-Collector-206

Life Looking Up

1 min read
So it's been awhile since I have been on, I have been very busy. I finally got a job (around August of 2014) I work at a brewery and I am a QA tech. I get to drink on the job and won't get fired for doing so. Also I have a boyfriend and he is amazing. We have been dating for 5 months now! :) I moved out of my parents house and in with him. Things are great! Hope my few followers are doing well!

BC 
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Bone-Collector-206

.....

3 min read

My girlfriend broke up with me on March 3rd, it is now March 14, 2014. I love her so much and I want her back. I am sitting on my bed on the verge of tears, wanting to cut. I miss her so much, I want her back. I wanted and still want to spend the rest of my life with her. She has been left all her life and was more scared of me staying then she was of me leaving. She wanted a long term relationship and so did I. Neither of us wanted the relationship to end. I know it’s been hard on me and probably hard on her as well. I still hurt, I am fine for a bit then the next second I just want to cry because some small thing will remind me of her. I can’t listen to the song timber by ke$ha yet because every time it would come on we would look at each other and sing it together. Yes, she has some things that she needs to work on and I know that she is frustrated and stressed out. I just wanted to help. I love her so much and it still hurts. Would you ever consider getting back together, once you are ready? Is there any way that you would even consider it? I would and I do want you back.

Previous to the break-up, on the 21st of February I took my girlfriend to the ER to get her chest checked out because she was hacking up a lung. It turns out it was an URI. The next day I was hospitalized due to going into antiflactic shock from an antibiotic that I was taking for a sinus infection. I was so happy when my girlfriend came after the show was finished! Then the next day I was at the hospital again because a friend of mine had an asthma attack. So within the span of 3 days I was at the same hospital 3 times, once in the ER, twice via ambulance (one with me in the back, one with me in the front of the ambulance).

After the break-up, I haven’t been able to eat regular meals, I cut myself once (and want to do it again), have been crying off and on, had another allergic reaction (this one not so serious) hives all over my face and arms, I have been shaking non-stop and I want to cut again.

 

I still don’t have a job and I want one and have been applying for jobs left and right. I want to move out of the house into my own place, I want to be able to pay my bills, I want to stop being nervous and stop the negative thoughts in my head, but most of all I want my girl back. I love her so fucking much and I miss her and everything about her.

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Life at the Moment

4 min read
I feel like the only thing that I can do right at the moment is being with my girlfriend. Other then that I feel like a total screw-up......Lets recap. It was almost 6 years ago that I went to a symposium where I heard a forensic anthropologist speak. I knew then and there that is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I attended the same lecture last night, but this time I went up to speak to her. I already knew that jobs would be hard to come by and I knew the UT is a difficult university to get into. But when she basically told me that the elite get in, I was crushed. I am just me, I am not a genius, I do not have fantastic grades and I am not anything other then just me. I have to make myself stand out, why should they accept me and not another student. I don't know how to get that across via the application. I was also told to have a back-up interest....well it's forensic microbiology. But am I to stupid to do that to? Are there jobs that are available? I just don't know. All I know is that I don't want to be a lab tech the rest of my life, I want to do research and help the living through the dead. 

So that's what happened yesterday, to recap.... I just found out that I didn't get that job that I interviewed for, not that it was such a big deal since it was just for a grocery store. But I need a job. I have been trying to find a job since May. I have put out dozens of applications and I either hear back or I don't. GAHHHHHH I am so frustrated. I need a job so I can pay my bills. I also really want to move out of my parents house and get an apartment with my girlfriend. But I need money in order to do this. Oh I forgot to mention that I need to take more classes to even think about applying the UT. BUTTTT in order to even think about going to take classes, guess what I need....money and to get a money I need a job...which I have been looking for since freaking MAY.

Well, now that, thats. It gets better, though. So Dixie, our 14 year old German Shepard lab mix is not doing well. Last Monday, we had a scare and thought that she had to be put down. She will have to be put down soon though because she can't get up and down the steps without help. She also has issues with her left leg, she is in pain so we have to give her medication to help with the pain. Later that week I got told that Bill wanted 3 dinosaurs in plastic by Friday. Well no one freaking told me until two days before, and so I was there over break trying to get the dinos done. Friday I was working on cleaning up some of the ribs with my x-acto knife. Well, I accidentally dropped the ribs and out of reflex, tried to catch them, keeping in mind that I had my x-acto knife in my right hand. Well I successfully caught the ribs, but then let them go because the x-acto knife went into my palm. Not just a little the entire blade. blood everywhere, adipose tissue coming out. My girlfriend had to drive me to the ER, and they glued my hand back together. While I was there I was given predisone for my allergic reaction. Yup, I was taking augmentin for a sinus infection (that I had for like a month). I never had a problem with it before now. Well 5 days into taking it, I broke out in hives. So I am now allergic to penicillin like my mom. 

Things have been stressful and I haven't been able to exercise, so in order to relieve my stress and frustration I have started to cut again. I realize that is very unhealthy, but as I cut before, I get urges. I have been trying to not cut and with the help of my girlfriend I haven't as much. I still get the urges and sometimes I succumb to them. I am not happy about it, but it is addicting and difficult to stop. I am getting help, but sometimes it isn't enough. 

Well thats the majority of what has been going on.....so yeah....life.     

 
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Feeling Crazy

2 min read
There have been a lot of things that have happened. I don't know if anything I write here will make sense to anyone else, but at the moment I just need to get this out of my head. Firstly, I have become good friends with someone that I really care about, and we actually have a lot in common and she makes me happy. We have been helping each other out with some of the issues that we have going on in our lives.

Some of the issues at hand. I have not been healthy for at least a month now. I have had this stupid sinus infection and I can't get rid of it. I have been on antibiotics off and on because so far it has not been fully gone. I also am having issues because my doctors won't believe me that I am having psychological changes from the antibiotics, so I don't say anything. It is frustrating because I am scared of what will happen when I get those changes. It is a side effect for the antibiotics, even though it is not a common one. 
Since I haven't been healthy, I haven't been going to karate or exercising, which helps me deal with anxiety in a healthy way. 

I know, I know, you have all heard this before and I am just complaining, but I am frustrated because I can't find a stupid job. I need to get a job so I can pay for school and pay back my loans and get out of debt. I have been applying to places and I haven't heard anything from any of them, I just get a conformation email. UGH. 

  




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Update

2 min read
  In other news, I am still looking for a job. Yes I am working as a teaching assistant for metalsmithing but I only get paid for 2 ½ hours on Wednesday nights. I am trying to bring in more money by starting a small business called Science-as-art. I have a page on DA and I only have a few things on there right now, and I mean a few, (Hoping to get more stuff up soon).</p>:D (Big Grin) I am also trying to get into UT but I need a couple more courses, and I am also trying to get certified to be an autopsy technician but I need more courses for that. In order to take those courses I need to get a job so I can get money to pay for those courses. Sigh its one continuous loop that I am trapped in and I really want to get out of. 

Finally, I am going to my first adult party and I am really nervous about going, so I am trying to find a buddy. It is not going well, one cancelled on me, one can't go because of a game, and one is in New Jersey working herself to death. I am going to go even if I don't have a buddy, but going to try to find one. Sooooo excited though!!! :happybounce: 

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Life Looking Up by Bone-Collector-206, journal

..... by Bone-Collector-206, journal

Life at the Moment by Bone-Collector-206, journal

Feeling Crazy by Bone-Collector-206, journal

Update by Bone-Collector-206, journal